How is it My Life is So Shitty

Like, Eternally.

Yayyyy! A graveyard picture. by me.

When I heard Keri Russel,

the actress,

say in her interview on Fresh Air

that she was juggling three sets of grandparents during Christmas time,

while reading an incredible script sent to her,

by the “usual channels,”

— for The Diplomate —

an up-and-coming series

on Netflix

starting April 20 . . .

I felt my own life fall away.

Shrivel.

The pain and confusion,

of how I missed the boat

in countless ways —

the most important ways —

was pressing.

Not only did it fall away,

it stood there, crying.

My life.

I wondered how it is

that I will never know

what it is to juggle three sets of grandparents —

“the craziness and wonderfullness of it all,” as she put it.

All that warmth, over the holidays.