How is it My Life is So Shitty

Like, Eternally.

Dr. Anita

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Yayyyy! A graveyard picture. by me.

When I heard Keri Russel,

the actress,

say in her interview on Fresh Air

that she was juggling three sets of grandparents during Christmas time,

while reading an incredible script sent to her,

by the “usual channels,”

— for The Diplomate —

an up-and-coming series

on Netflix

starting April 20 . . .

I felt my own life fall away.

Shrivel.

The pain and confusion,

of how I missed the boat

in countless ways —

the most important ways —

was pressing.

Not only did it fall away,

it stood there, crying.

My life.

I wondered how it is

that I will never know

what it is to juggle three sets of grandparents —

“the craziness and wonderfullness of it all,” as she put it.

All that warmth, over the holidays.

All that life.

I do not know the rowdiness of a house full of kids,

or hosting people,

who love

and need me.

They speak of parellel lives.

My parellel life flits up

and pierces me at such intervals

with such fierce pokes,

I am left

with a wistfulness, unbearable.

A sense of waste

that makes me think of two dried-up fly’s wings.

If I don’t have a house full of loved ones,

what do I have?

Netflix.

April 20.

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Dr. Anita

Doctor by trade; artist at heart. Musings on life. Enjoy inserting humor ‘n hope into the pain. Quiet is scarce in this day and age; reaching for it.