Empty

Navigating the Post-Breakup Mode is Not Fun or Easy.

A picture I took when thinking about Kevin.

I wonder how my Kevin boy is.

If he’s thinking of me.

If he has found another person.

In that case, I should be thinking of him much less.

And I should really move on.

But for now, I like to think of my ex as being as sad as me — breaking into tears and snot on a bike path with a cherry tree against bright blue sky.

Certain moments bring it. Certain spots. Sometimes it’s when I realize I’m far enough away from everyone, and nature touches me. I burst open like a dam. The sadness that is always there comes pouring out.

I cry, because he’s not there.

I cry, because of how sad and scared I am. How lonely.

I cry, because I miss him. I wish I could share my life, this moment, with him.

But I don’t completely wish for all of that.

Because I also know, there is a reason I left him. Wishing and missing him is not the whole truth.

I have a vacancy in my heart that yearns to be filled. I yearn to be known by someone…