Cancelling Things
Like, Yippy!
I am cancelling things.
Three days ago I texted my therapist. We usually meet once a month. It used to be every two weeks, but he sorta fixed me (just kidding, I fixed myself. I mean, he and me and the MDMA fixed me). So now, our visits are monthly. I said, ‘Hey Joe, can we meet December 6 at 3:30?”
He did not write back for two days. Two business days. This was odd. I thought to myself, “If he does not write back by tomorrow, maybe I don’t want to go. At all. Maybe, just maybe, screw him. If he’s not chomping at the bit to meet me, then let me check my own pulse.
Nope. Don’t really wanna see him.
Especially after Trump won. Don’t feel like listening to or speaking to white men.
He did not write back by day three, and excitedly, I texted, “I actually do not want to schedule a session. I would like to take a sabatocal from counseling for three months.”
haaaaaaaa
And just like that, I was free until February. All my Wednesdays, I can just breathe and do me.
Time to get back to Anita.
The other things I’ve cancelled:
My hair appointment yesterday. I was scheduled for botox at 2:55 pm, and a haircut at 4 pm. As Wednesday approached, it felt too rushed for my day off. I cancelled the hair appointment, and instead of paying Stephanie H. eighty-fibe dollars to give me layers, I put my hair in a french braid, and snipped off the tail. This is the second time I have done this within the last week, and it definitely gives me a new look. That look is called, “shorter hair.”
It’s also fun to wear my hair around in a french braid the same day I cut the tail off in an exactly horizontal fashion. I look like a mixture of Laura Ingles Wilder and mysterious Paris bitch.
Other things I’ve cancelled:
My Arabic lesson tomorrow. That’s right.
And.
I told my sister “no,” over text today.
Later, I texted her, “maybe.” And then later, “in fact, yes.”
But the “maybe” and “yes” came after the “no.”
Cancelling my Arabic lesson opened up more space, and I was free to do what I actually wanted.
Now here’s one that’s a little out of the theme of cancelling, but bear with me, because it’s very exciting news.
I’ve cancelled the need to outshine my ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend. I found out who she is, a month ago. She left a comment on his IG account. I googled her, and I was like, “Oh heyyyyyyy . . . yer not that pretty!” It was the best news all year — that my ex-boyfriend is currently with a lady who is a five to six out of ten. I am a four to seven out of ten, depending on the day, so she and I are even.
Perhaps I can’t say that I cancelled the need to outshine her — she sort of cancelled it herself.
Which I am grateful for.
Last night, when I was thinking about one of the eighty things she had written on her instagram page about living a healthy life (because she’s a PERSONAL COACH and A CERTIFIED FUNCTIONAL NUTRITIONIST and A SOMETHING ELSE LIKE BREATHWORK QUEEN — MAYBE?? — that I can’t quite recall), well, last night as I was going to bed at 2 AM, I heard one of her bullet points running through my head: “In bed before 10, no excuses . . .”
I said to myself and to her, “Look, Cheryl, that might work for you, but I’m more interesting than that. Sometimes I just have to stay up to let desires burn.”
It was a pep talk to me from me, so I wouldn’t get too carried away with her theme of being perfectly moderately moderate all the time.
Thank God he is dating her, and not me. That is to say, thank God Cheryl is not my girlfriend.”
Haaaaa. Have fun with that one, buddy.
As you can see, I’m not quite over him.
But close.
So, cancelling the need to get there faster.
I cancelled going to Vancouver WA for Friendsgiving at my cousin Gretchen’s house. There’s gonna be wine and laughter and a magnet exchange (I even bought a magnet for this event already).
But my gut tells me it’s more chill at home. So, I’m gonna hang out in Bend, Oregon with my niece. We will be boring and silly and happy and cozy, and I will be grateful that I don’t have to drive over the pass when it’s icey.
I cancelled going to the bar tonight to try to meet a rich man. Instead, I stayed in with the moon and a candle and my yoga mat and the “yum” mantra 108 times and my free weights.
But guess who’s going out tomorrow night?
That’s right, baby.
And guess who’s going to London next week?
That’s right.
I cancelled a buncha shit I don’t wanna do, so I can do what I wanna do, and breathe when I wanna breathe.
