Member-only story

Autophagy

Dr. Anita
1 min readMay 20, 2022

Photo of painting by Gustav Klimt 1907–1908. “Danae”

I have decided to eat myself.

Rather, I have decided to eat loneliness.

I had this brilliant idea on a day after a horrible binge.

I had proceeded to eat too much food the night before —

out of loneliness and drear.

The next day, feeling hazy, uncomfortable, panicked, sad — realizing my fat would bury me if I kept this up — more emotionally than physically — I decide:

I will eat loneliness. It will be my new food.

I have plenty of it.

So that’s what I’ve been eating for three days now.

When I am tempted to cave — to go to the store, or go to the cupboards to get extra, unnecessary food, I say,

“Wow, Anita. You have a new food. Loneliness. Might as well get familiar with it.”

My brain pushes back:

“Pick up! Alcohol! Sugar! Snacks! Feed me!”

I retort:

“No, Anita. Pick up the shovel.

Dig, Dig, Dig.

How deep can you go?”

I can go pretty deep.

I find dirt. More dirt.

I find air. It’s light.

So much better than fat.

And I like that!

Ah, Loneliness!

How rich.

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Dr. Anita
Dr. Anita

Written by Dr. Anita

Doctor by trade; artist at heart. Musings on life. Enjoy inserting humor ‘n hope into the pain. Quiet is scarce in this day and age; reaching for it.

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